


Lingering

by shamebucket



Category: Togainu no Chi
Genre: Bullying Mention, Childhood, Friendship, Gen, Minor Violence, could be shippy if you want!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 09:24:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8974054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shamebucket/pseuds/shamebucket
Summary: Keisuke wanted to be like Akira, but even if he couldn't be like him, he wanted to at least be near him.





	

Akira looked as small as he felt sometimes, Keisuke thought to himself, as he saw the boy he admired sit against the wall, hugging his knees and glancing off to the side, looking at nothing in particular. It had been a while since Keisuke had gotten beaten up, partially due to Akira intervening whenever anybody got near him, but this had negative consequences, too - Keisuke was given as wide a berth as Akira had. It was a little lonely, especially because there wasn't anybody who he truly considered a friend. Maybe Keisuke was too clumsy and inept to have friends; it's not like he was particularly good at his studies, or at physical drills. The thing he was best at was doodling in the margins of his notebook, but that wasn't a talent. And crying when he got hit, something that most of the other kids had already learned to stop doing. Keisuke couldn't stop, even though he wanted to - he wanted to be strong, but something inside of him was just destined to be weak.

He wanted to be like Akira, but even if he couldn't be like him, he wanted to at least be near him.

Partially because he had nowhere else to sit, and partially because he wanted to, he tentatively crept next to Akira and sat down, legs folded in front of him. No response from the other boy. Idly, he thought that maybe Akira would like him better if they acted the same. He pulled his knees up to his chest and hugged them, leaning into them slightly. The pressure felt good. He could see why Akira liked sitting like this. As he was thinking to himself, he noticed Akira's eyes wander over to him, a very slight interest glistening in his eyes. So slight that Keisuke thought he might have imagined it, especially when he closed his eyes and looked back out on the school yard.

They sat in silence together, watching the other kids rough-house each other and play some sports that didn't seem to have any steadfast rules, the sort of game you make up with your friends and the strategies change depending on who is playing that day. Akira didn't usually get very involved in that sort of thing, but he would always fight back if somebody attempted to punch him, and he broke up scuffles if any play-fighting turned into something a lot more vicious and one-sided, as it had been with Keisuke. He didn't think it was because Akira thought it was the right thing to do, or anything, even though it absolutely was - it's just that he hated when things were unevenly matched, when the underdog was put into a situation that he couldn't wriggle away from. Keisuke didn't think he was any better for it, but he definitely thought that it was wrong to hurt people at all, and didn't really get the whole fighting for fun thing... especially when people got hurt. Cringing in remembrance, he touched his eye, remembering how awful it felt to get a black eye after he made an awful mistake during drills one day and someone decided that the teacher's reprimanding wasn't enough punishment for him.

Akira was perfect. He could do anything, often placed in the top three during drills, and showed a lot of promise. He was probably going to be a great soldier someday, and could definitely rise the ranks to the top. Keisuke figured that the best that would happen to him would be to die pitifully in order to save someone else, someone that deserved to live because he was stronger. The only world that existed for him was one of this military orphanage, and he knew that the war wouldn't likely end soon. He felt he was proof that the system didn't work perfectly, though - even after everything he'd been through, he still wanted to be kind, and he still felt like he wouldn't be able to kill if the opportunity was placed in front of him. Kill himself? Probably, he had practiced enough times, but he might even mess that one up.

"Why are you sitting here?"

"Huh?" Keisuke's head snapped up and he stared at the boy sitting next to him. Wow, was this the first time that Akira had spoken without Keisuke speaking to him first? He thought so! His heart started racing with an excitement that he had never known before, but would experience many times in the future, especially when taking to Akira.

Akira sighed. "The yard is wide. You could sit anywhere, but you chose to sit with me."

Frowning, Keisuke replied, "You looked a little lonely, sitting here by yourself. I wanted to join you so you didn't have to be alone."

"I'm not lonely." This didn't make a lot of sense to Keisuke, who craved positive interaction with others, but he thought that the statement was very Akira and something that Akira wasn't just putting on. Akira just didn't need validation from others - he probably already knew that he was cool and didn't need anybody at all.

The thought made Keisuke nervous, but he wanted to be Akira's friend, all the same. "Still, it would be nice to have someone by your side, right? I promise I won't get in the way. I can shut up if I'm annoying you."

Akira closed his eyes, as if going deep in thought. "It's not that you're annoying me."

The warmth in Keisuke's heart at that simple phrase radiated through his entire body, touching his face with heat and making his heart race a little. "Then I'm going to stay here with you until you tell me to leave." Akira raised an eyebrow at him, but didn't say anything or respond in any other way. They sat in silence, the wind blowing through Akira's hair. The fight in front of them dispersed, everybody involved sore but grinning, but Akira remained where he was. Maybe Akira wasn't watching the fight at all? Keisuke looked around, following Akira's blank stare, but he couldn't figure out why he was staring at an empty bench with a vague sense of nostalgia. The thudding of his heart told him that, maybe someday, Akira would tell him, but even if he didn't... he just hoped that they could get closer. He would stay as long as he needed to, to gather any scraps of information that might make them know each other better. 

Keisuke didn't understand why at the time, but he wanted to touch Akira, to hold his hand, to tell him that he wanted to be friends with him forever. It would be ten years before any of these thoughts came to fruition, until they were able to be honest with each other for the first time, but even so... Keisuke cherished these days with Akira, simply sitting together and breathing in the fresh air, lingering languidly with a vague sense of longing, more than anything else in the world. Even after his memories were tampered with, even after he had forgotten most of his childhood, there was always Akira, and there always would be, for as long as he lived.

And there was nobody that Keisuke would rather have in his memories, even in the worst of times, he knew deep in his soul.


End file.
